i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
