Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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