when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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