how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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