You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
