If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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