he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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