Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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