well you can't waste a boner
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
