You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
