you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
