I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
