I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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