My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
