so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
