My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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