WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I believe in your delicious
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
