so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
