1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
