i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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