Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
