well you can't waste a boner
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
