Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
