Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
