More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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