I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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