He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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