well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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