im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
