what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
