Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
