he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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