it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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