Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
