Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
