he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
