i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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