i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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