Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
