Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
