Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
