if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
