Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
