ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sext me about skeletons
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
