Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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