put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
