you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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