My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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