woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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