it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
