Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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