just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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