There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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