addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
